So I am healing....That much I know, through this blog I have been able to sort through what I am healing from. Honestly though, I never thought when I started this blog that I would be catapulted into a strange world. I have felt a little like Alice in Wonderland for the last month. It is tempting just to shut the blog down with the hopes I will find my way back up the rabbit hole into a world I know. No in all seriousness, struggling through painful issues in life is like Wonderland. Things that were once ordinary look very strange. I don't know which way is up or which door to go through. Too large for my own life at times, shrunk down at other times to almost nothingness. Confident one moment, completely unsure the next. This is a strange world I find myself in....
But since this blog is all about contrasts I wanted to share all the good coming from this strange place I am in.
1. I have created a craft room for myself. I can go into this space and create. Something I have always wanted to have but never have gotten "a round to it" I have almost finished all my Mother's Day cards and they are beautiful if I do say so myself.
2. I have filled out an application for a part-time job at a preschool. I have always thought about doing that once my kids were older. Well... so... they are older. So why not?
3. In filling out my application I realized a whole bunch of things I have accomplished that I forgot about. Jobs I had done well at, courses and training I had learned and completed. You know...my resume ain't half bad. I even added a few volunteer and ministry things I have done since my last held paid position. Ok so it's all 10 years ago. But it was still me. Too bad you can't put motherhood on your resume. Honestly, it is the most challenging of all the jobs I have held. Oh well...
4. My fourth and final good thing is I am learning to be kind to myself. In order to heal, I have to let the soothing balm of the Holy Spirit blanket my wounded heart with kindness and gentleness and goodness. I am so hard on myself, so negative, so impatient. I am learning that if I want to truly heal, I must be kind to myself and allow the blanket to cover me gently, warming the chilled and pained parts of my soul.
5. Ok there is one more...Last but not least...I am learning that I have better friends than I thought. Thank you to all of you who are and have been supporting me through this challenging time. You are sunshine to me and give me courage to face the pain. You tell me when I have it all wrong, but encourage me when I am discouraged and disheartened. Thanks to you all for being such great friends.
Kelly,
ReplyDeleteThe blog itself is very therapeutic I think. It's a way to share with everyone your stories without having to repeat 100 times. Sure, there will be times where you won't be blogging, or times where you might post three times in a day (like me when I can't sleep), but it's certainly worthwhile as you can look back at old posts much like a journal, just public this time.
And you should still find a way to put your motherhood job in your resume somehow.