Why the rabbit hole leads to doing?

So I love how things with God always come full circle just when you think it was all for not or at least all for not what you thought...Of course leave it to Beth Moore (with the word of the Lord in hand) to make sense of it all and bring it all around.  So for about 2 or 3 years now I have had a verse on my blackboard in my kitchen.  Originally I intended to change the verse every few months... but there it has been sitting for 2 or 3 years now... ok maybe more... I have lost track.  It was this verse that spurred me on to write in the very beginning about promises in my life.  You know the ones you just ache for.  Well, this verse so innocently placed has become that promise.  It has been one that at times has mocked me, at others has frustrated me and more recently has baffled me. But.... Every single time I have gone to erased it, God prompts me to leave it.  "I'm not done with this one yet, Kelly!" " Keep it there till you see it happen, Kelly"  At this point there are child doodles around it and little flowers between it.  Even my kids who can not resist drawing on the board, have not erased it.  I forget it is even a chalk board now. Here it is:

"And the Lord will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be a well-watered garden,
like a spring of water whose waters do not fail."  Isaiah 58:11

Wow... cool promise huh!  Who doesn't want that??  So lately I have been asking the Lord, "Is this it?  Am I here?"  But it was not until today that I heard the rushing of the water. Today when Beth Moore explained all the verses leading up to this verse, I got it.  I understood what the trip down the rabbit hole was all about, I realized what God has been up to so that I can fully understand and experience this promise in my life. It is the answer to all the WHY questions. So what do the verses before it say... basically they talk all about doing good and the pouring out of ourselves that goes with that.  It includes things like caring for the homeless, feeding the hungry, giving yourself to the afflicted.  So what I realized (with a little help from Beth) is when we are doing the Father's business, when we are doing the things that are on His heart that we are guided, satisfied, strengthened, and well watered.

I realized that it is time to end my healing.  It is time for Gilgal to be complete.  The hunkering down, the self realization, the self doubt, the ups and down of growing and shrinking, the strangeness I suddenly found in own skin. All that had a purpose to draw me out of the healing time and back into the doing. We can not stay in the healing place forever.  I had been in it for far too long.  The death of my father, my heartache of miscarriage, old hurts in my marriage, hurts in my friendships, all were genuine tough things, all were things that required me to hunker down and self focus.  The good part is I got disciplined in my places of hurt.  Disciplined about God's word, disciplined about my Sabbath rest, disciplined about forgiveness, disciplined about who I spend time with.  But now that I am healed, it was time for the shepherd to send me out of the pasture. I guess I have been a little reluctant to go.  I would cautiously take a few steps out but then would scurry back into my safety zone.  So in a sense my good and loving father needed me to be annoyed with the place I was in.  He needed me to be dissatisfied with where I was and to ache and be uncomfortable with my status quo.  He wanted me ready, passionate, and yet still disciplined so He can take me to the next assignment He has for me in the kingdom. Down the rabbit hole, through the looking glass, and a bit of navel gazing was part of the preparation and yet it was done to get me into doing again.  I have to say... I am ready to be back to my Father's business!!!! Ready to do good in his kingdom. Ready to take all I have learned and give back.  I am ready to be out of my self focus and back to the Father's good work. I have already gotten started which is awesome.  I know I will keep writing.  I know I will keep speaking.  Being creative with my artistic side will be required and utilized.  I will be back to working with kids in some way.  Singing with all my heart and leading others to do the same. Perhaps a little acting and even a bit of dancing will happen.  A lot of mothering and a great deal of loving the hubby will be required.  Does it have a title associated with it? No... Will I gain any worldly honors for it? No... but it will reap a harvest that my Father in heaven will walk behind me gathering up as I go forward. I hear the rushing of the water.... but the verse ain't coming down yet!

The multiple fish fry: Living a Life of Expectancy

So here I find myself, walking a new journey beyond the Looking Glass, saying yes to things I would have cringed at and worried about before.  I am trying desperately to walk this new path with a peace in my step and a calm in my heart. And most of all with expectancy for the things to come. Mostly I am succeeding by constant reminders from the Lord that He is right beside me and has opened up these new opportunities for me in my cry for help.  I have to be honest though, underlying it all, I have a nervousness about me.  Will it all prove to be too much? Can I trust that His yoke is easy and His burden light?  Will all these new items on the menu, prove to get overcooked, underdone or worse still burned?  Or will I trust His timing and His plan for the meal?

I am still frying up all the same main dishes as before.  Kids schedules on one burner, husbands needs on another one, household duties on another... these are the old familiar ones that tend to burn without constant stirring.  They need to be salted to keep tasty, and need my engagement and action to keep the boiling going.  The fun part is now I have several more burners going with a few extra side dishes... I'm writing more, speaking to women more, recently I have contributed my voice to a new choral group, I may be using my acting skills again (this one is a secret which I'll share if it pans out), I have been making props with my artistic side for my daughter's play, and on the side enjoy my new craft room making cards for friends or trying out new techniques. I am also taking a Beth Moore Bible Study which is challenging me and growing me....Whew... feels like a lot of fish to fry.  All of them are just beginning to cook, and if I stop and really think I feel a bit overwhelmed.

So will the new Alice please stand up!  The one with all her "muchness".  I have already grown and shrunk over and over in the last few months.  I seem and feel my own height again. You'd think all the stretching would make all of this seem normal almost a relief. Yet I find myself with new questions. Can and will I walk in the confidence of Christ?  Can and will I chose to keep Him as the main author of my time, my passions and my hopes?  He is the Prince of Peace after all.  I just have to keep Him as Prince over it ALL...Let Him turn up the flame over these new ventures, and turn down the ones that He doesn't have in mind for me now. Let Him be the author and perfecter of my faith. Let Him be the ruler.  It is then that He is the Prince of Peace for my life!!

Eating the "eat me" cookie!

Ok... so now that I have wandered through Wonderland, gotten cut going through the Looking Glass,  I am certain somewhere along the way I ate a cookie that says "Eat me" and I have grown, grown, grown.  I feel like Alice with her head poking above the house with her arms and legs sticking out through the window.  The view is fantastic and I still feel a bit stuck but I also know I am no longer trapped.  So now what...
I'm not sure.  I have no idea actually.  But you know... I am not sure I care.  REALLY!!  Suddenly in all this remarkable journey, I have realized... I am who I am... Sam I am.  I am who God made me to be.  In all my awkward moments, in all the ways I stick out at times, shrink down at times, hide at times, boldly speak out at times, nitpick at times.  I am who He made me to be.  Yes, I stink at times too.  Yes I need forgiveness at times too.  But I no longer need to apologize for who I am and who I am made to be.

So what next??... well... I am headed out on another remarkable journey here shortly.  I am headed to France and Italy with my kids and my hubby.  All planned, researched and obsessed about by me.  [No pressure or anything.]  Are we crazy? A little... but this is a dream we have had since before the girls were born.  Nothing like an out of the box experience to lead directly into an out of the box experience.

So get ready to hear about our journey in the next month.  In keeping with my theme... you will hear the bad and the good, the painful and the fun, all mixed together to make incredible travel and learning.  So guess what movie I bought to entertain us as a family... none other than "Alice in Wonderland".  I hear it's a bit scary.  I'm not surprised.