the collisions of sunshine and clouds

Does it ever feel like the clouds are moving in unannounced? that place of sadness? or worry? that old doubt or hurt?  Just when you think the sunshine has prevailed and the healing is complete...that sad place creeps in threatening the sunshine.  Old wounds, baggage you thought you set down long ago, old fears, past mistakes, worry and doubt.  I find it incredibly annoying!  Really... do we have to bring this one up again, Lord!  Thought I was over THAT! Thought I was done with THAT! Perhaps its another layer of hurt that needs to heal, or perhaps its a reminder that sin can easily creep in. 

I live for the sunshine moments.  Love the warmth and the excitement.  I would love to bask in that moment every day.  Yet, if there is anything I have learned on this great adventure called Following Jesus...there are reasons for all these moments.  Even the contemplative ones.. even the sad ones.   At times I have seen that it is for the purpose of knowing my own frailty, of being reminded of ALL Jesus did for me when He died for me.  Other times it is so I will find empathy.  Empathy for the friend or stranger who may enter my path... [Of course there are the times that it is just about being female and a little moody... but who admits that... :D]   Then there are the moments where it is pure longing for a better place.  The Hope of Heaven so to speak.  The desire for a world without sin.  One without my own sin, one without the sin of others.  Can you imagine such a place?  No pride, no selfish gain, no hatred, no fear, no worry, no sickness, no death, no war, no fighting, no corruption.  Deep down we all long for it.  Deep within we all wish for it.  There is a sadness knowing I will struggle with my own self until I die, that I will watch my friends and family and world struggle as well.  It feels so unnecessary.  And every so often it just makes me sad.  I can only imagine how it must make God feel.

Yet, today I am reminded that sadness has a purpose for the here and now.  Sunshine and clouds come together to bring rainbows and with it the rain to wash away the sin.  In the collision of these two things, there is promise and cleansing  which can only lead to new life and more sunshine.  So as I allow the two to collide, I commit to dwell today in the promises.  Knowing that once again the rain will come and new life will spring forth.

What is that promise I speak of... The promise that when I put my faith in Jesus Christ.  When I chose to believe that He died on the cross and rose again (however far fetched that may seem), when I put my trust in Him and chose to follow Him, I am given a pass.  A free pass, one that overcomes all the sadness, one that overcomes all the yuck in the world and in myself.  I get a free pass that gets me a personal one on one relationship with the very Living, Holy and Almighty God, creator of heaven and earth.  I get a free pass that allows me to been pure, holy and unblemished (even though we all know I ain't).  That free pass, gets me the chance to spend eternity in that perfect place I long for...and on top of it all... I get to spend ETERNITY there.  No death.... no sadness... 

It is that knowledge and that trust which causes those fears, doubts and old wounds to disappear.  I am emptied of them all, I bask in the fresh rain of redemption and walk once again in the green pastures full of promise. 

Don't you want that?? It's yours if you do...all you must do is believe. For some that is the hardest part...I know... [If you want to know more about this believing... if you desire to know God personally. Please do not hesitate to contact me...]

Thank you, God, for willingly humbling yourself to become even lower than the angels.  

You became one of us.  You lived this life, experienced pain and suffering, cried tears and came to understand the longing we have for perfection.  You did all that and then submitted yourself willingly to persecution, suffering, humiliation and then allowed your own creation to destroy you.  Just when they thought they had triumphed, you performed your most courageous act, submitting yourself unto death.  the death of the most horrendous criminals, death on the cross. So that once and for all, whosoever believes in you, can have forgiveness of sin and in that forgiveness can have eternal life.  You then unleashed all your power and glory, conquered death and rose again to new life. Praise be to the Father for His son!  He lives even now and goes before us to prepare a place for us.  

Thanks be to God! Amen

PS... I am guessing today's sadness was to remind me of what He did for me on the cross...just a guess. :}

Hope your day is full of promise!

Feeding our Longings: Spiritual Disciplines

Longings seem to be a theme with me lately.  Since the beginning of this year, I have been pressing in hard.  Pushing towards streams of living water overflowing from within.  I am amazed that this is what is promised.  Waters that satisfy my thirst... really??  Seems impossibile??  Our culture is one which longings never cease.  We all want more, need more, we are never satisfied, not with ourselves, not with our spouse, not with our community, not with our government. We expect to find completeness in the American Dream or our vacations or our stuff or our home or our kids.

But...We also seem to long for impact. Even the most committed Christians I know seem to have a need to be fulfilled in their callings, in their gifts, in their role in this world.  Yes, I believe many of these longings are God given.  We long for fruitfulness innately as He created us to be fruitful and multiply. We long to care for the poor and needy, because it is His heart for them that is within us.  But sometimes these longings can turn into the wrong thing.  No, I am not saying it is wrong to pursue these things.  But I know at times I have gotten caught up in the significance it can bring.  It can become more about what I have done than who I have done it for. It can become frustrating when I don't see the results I am looking for.  Or when I don't feel I have the opportunities I deserve or should be offered.

I am beginning to see that at times I have been focused on all the wrong things.  I have been looking for significance, I have been turning to the wrong things to be filled.  Even my actions of service, as pure and as holy as they may seem, will not fill my soul.  No nothing fills my soul like Jesus.  Nothing can satisfy the longings, not even the ones for significance, like My Savior and His majestic and powerful Spirit.  So instead I am turning towards the spiritual disciplines to satisfy my soul....

1. Sabbath rest and solitude with God
2. Daily reading of God's word
3. Prayer
4. Repentance of Sin and the receiving of Forgiveness
5. Worship
6. Actively seeking the Holy Spirit
7. Fellowship with the Body of Christ (His Church)
8. Always being prepared to give an answer for the Hope that I have.

I can't expect to be filled up to satisfaction if I am not seeking the One who will fill me.
He won't stop using me for His glory, I will only become more fruitful and more effective.  Because as He fills me up to overflowing, all that overflow comes out on those around me to bless them, encourage them, care for them, and grow them.  It is when I am totally and completely consumed with Christ and all he has to offer me that I become more useful in His kingdom than I ever imagined.  But the very best part of all, is that all the longings are satisfied because I am feeding and drinking from the one who satisfies. "Seek and you shall find...Knock and the door will be open to you." Won't you press into the Lord, into His word, into the Holy Spirit, allowing rest and solitude, giving yourself over to worship, fellowshipping with other believers, repenting of your wrongs, accepting His free gift of forgiveness, praying and reading of God's word.  It will prove itself to fill you completely with an overflowing abundance of His Holy Spirit. It will satisfy your thirsty soul.

Longings, Loving & Lasting Lyrics

So if any of you have known me for a number of years... you know I have this thing about Valentine's Day.  I admit it's not my favorite holiday.  Yes... it bugs me that flowers are double the price,  yes... it's all the pressure to say and do just the right thing for those you love, yes... it's the work it takes to make all the little cards and the worry that your child didn't bring the best treats to the class.  (Yes... I do have incredibly talented friends whose kids are equally talented who make these absolutely gorgeous valentines for their class)  Ok... so while those seem like trivial hassles that ultimately go along with a bit of rebellion and some cynicism on my part,  I should be able to overcome all that for the ones I love.  True and possible!

But... by far the one thing that bothers me the most about this day is the cards.  What?!??  Yup... it's not that the sentiments are too sappy nor the challenge to not say the wrong thing to the wrong person. All of this is true... NO!  It's really that so much of what is said in a Valentine's Card should never be said to the people in my life.  THE PRESSURE!!  Not the pressure on me but the pressure on them. Here's some examples:

"You complete me!"  No one completes me except Jesus.

"You heal all my hurts with your loving arms."  No one heals my hurts except God.

"You always except me for who I am"  NOT!  Only God can do that...I can be a bit difficult you know.

"Your face lights up whenever you see me..."  Really... Have you seen me in the morning?!?

It goes on and on and on.  What are we really saying to those we love??  We are really asking them to be our Savior.  We are then disappointed when they don't live up to all these silly sentiments.  What kind of pressure is that?

Plus, do I really want to put a person in that place in my life.  Isn't there the danger that I can make them the object of all my satisfaction and then make them miserable when they don't meet my expectations.

Don't get me wrong.  I have bought and purchased a card for my husband.  I love him dearly, but I don't want to make him into something he is not suppose to be in my life.  I want my perfect Valentine to be my Lord and Savior.  He promises an everlasting love, that keeps no record of my mistakes.  His face does light up when He sees me.  He does complete me.  He promises to satisfy ALL my needs.  Not only does He promise but He delivers!!!

When I place all my hopes in that perfect love, Christ's love, I have lasting lyrics that can fill me up with a spring of living water.  When I place my dreams and longings into His perfect hands, I am never rejected or disappointed.  When I do that,  I am free.  Free then to see the good and wonderful things the other loves in my life are doing.  I have perspective and no longer ache with dissatisfaction at what they did or didn't do for me.  I no longer have misplaced expectations because my needs are being met by a perfect and wonderful God.

This Valentine's Day let's honor those we love and love the Lord our God with all our heart, with all our soul and with all our mind.  Then let's be sure to let those we love know how very glad we are to have them in our lives, seeing their gifts in a new light.

Urgency in Today: Passion for what matters

It is so very easy to be passionate about the wrong things in our culture.  I am not sure it is totally an American thing or just a thing in the World today.  We seem to have no problem being passionate in our complaining.  Passionate in our anger of how the world has wronged us or our friends or our family today.  What has happened to passionate followers of Christ?  Since when are we to be more passionate about who cut us off on the freeway, which waitress was rude to us, how someone wouldn't honor a sale in a store, how our child has been mistreated by their teacher or dare i say how our government has failed us yet again, than our passion for Christ, the things He has called us to, and the freedom He alone has given us.  We seem to be spending all our energy on the wrong things.  Fellow believers... God has indwelled in our hearts for more than this.  He has placed His Living Water within us for more than our frustrations.  Yes, there is a time and place for righteous anger, but complaining is not what we are to do with that righteous anger.  


ACTION is what the Lord has made us for. Action that comes out of the power and glory of God that is present within us.  Action that comes flowing out of us like a river of healing waters.  It is what He promises to refuel us for, it is what He actively works in us for, it is what His word, His heart and His example are all about.

 SO...flee from these things, you man [or woman] of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness. 


Fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called...


Instruct those who are rich in this present world not to be conceited or to fix their hope on the uncertainty of riches, but on God who richly supplies us with ALL things to enjoy.  


Instruct them to do good, be rich in good works, to be generous, and ready to share, storing up for themselves the treasure of the good foundation for the future, so they may take hold of that which is LIFE indeed!!


Guard what has been entrusted to you avoiding worldly and empty chatter and the opposing arguments of what is falsely called "knowledge" -- which some have professed and thus gone astray in the faith.


Grace be with you.  Timothy 6:11-21


And i repeat... 


Grace be with you!

Why the rabbit hole leads to doing?

So I love how things with God always come full circle just when you think it was all for not or at least all for not what you thought...Of course leave it to Beth Moore (with the word of the Lord in hand) to make sense of it all and bring it all around.  So for about 2 or 3 years now I have had a verse on my blackboard in my kitchen.  Originally I intended to change the verse every few months... but there it has been sitting for 2 or 3 years now... ok maybe more... I have lost track.  It was this verse that spurred me on to write in the very beginning about promises in my life.  You know the ones you just ache for.  Well, this verse so innocently placed has become that promise.  It has been one that at times has mocked me, at others has frustrated me and more recently has baffled me. But.... Every single time I have gone to erased it, God prompts me to leave it.  "I'm not done with this one yet, Kelly!" " Keep it there till you see it happen, Kelly"  At this point there are child doodles around it and little flowers between it.  Even my kids who can not resist drawing on the board, have not erased it.  I forget it is even a chalk board now. Here it is:

"And the Lord will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be a well-watered garden,
like a spring of water whose waters do not fail."  Isaiah 58:11

Wow... cool promise huh!  Who doesn't want that??  So lately I have been asking the Lord, "Is this it?  Am I here?"  But it was not until today that I heard the rushing of the water. Today when Beth Moore explained all the verses leading up to this verse, I got it.  I understood what the trip down the rabbit hole was all about, I realized what God has been up to so that I can fully understand and experience this promise in my life. It is the answer to all the WHY questions. So what do the verses before it say... basically they talk all about doing good and the pouring out of ourselves that goes with that.  It includes things like caring for the homeless, feeding the hungry, giving yourself to the afflicted.  So what I realized (with a little help from Beth) is when we are doing the Father's business, when we are doing the things that are on His heart that we are guided, satisfied, strengthened, and well watered.

I realized that it is time to end my healing.  It is time for Gilgal to be complete.  The hunkering down, the self realization, the self doubt, the ups and down of growing and shrinking, the strangeness I suddenly found in own skin. All that had a purpose to draw me out of the healing time and back into the doing. We can not stay in the healing place forever.  I had been in it for far too long.  The death of my father, my heartache of miscarriage, old hurts in my marriage, hurts in my friendships, all were genuine tough things, all were things that required me to hunker down and self focus.  The good part is I got disciplined in my places of hurt.  Disciplined about God's word, disciplined about my Sabbath rest, disciplined about forgiveness, disciplined about who I spend time with.  But now that I am healed, it was time for the shepherd to send me out of the pasture. I guess I have been a little reluctant to go.  I would cautiously take a few steps out but then would scurry back into my safety zone.  So in a sense my good and loving father needed me to be annoyed with the place I was in.  He needed me to be dissatisfied with where I was and to ache and be uncomfortable with my status quo.  He wanted me ready, passionate, and yet still disciplined so He can take me to the next assignment He has for me in the kingdom. Down the rabbit hole, through the looking glass, and a bit of navel gazing was part of the preparation and yet it was done to get me into doing again.  I have to say... I am ready to be back to my Father's business!!!! Ready to do good in his kingdom. Ready to take all I have learned and give back.  I am ready to be out of my self focus and back to the Father's good work. I have already gotten started which is awesome.  I know I will keep writing.  I know I will keep speaking.  Being creative with my artistic side will be required and utilized.  I will be back to working with kids in some way.  Singing with all my heart and leading others to do the same. Perhaps a little acting and even a bit of dancing will happen.  A lot of mothering and a great deal of loving the hubby will be required.  Does it have a title associated with it? No... Will I gain any worldly honors for it? No... but it will reap a harvest that my Father in heaven will walk behind me gathering up as I go forward. I hear the rushing of the water.... but the verse ain't coming down yet!

The multiple fish fry: Living a Life of Expectancy

So here I find myself, walking a new journey beyond the Looking Glass, saying yes to things I would have cringed at and worried about before.  I am trying desperately to walk this new path with a peace in my step and a calm in my heart. And most of all with expectancy for the things to come. Mostly I am succeeding by constant reminders from the Lord that He is right beside me and has opened up these new opportunities for me in my cry for help.  I have to be honest though, underlying it all, I have a nervousness about me.  Will it all prove to be too much? Can I trust that His yoke is easy and His burden light?  Will all these new items on the menu, prove to get overcooked, underdone or worse still burned?  Or will I trust His timing and His plan for the meal?

I am still frying up all the same main dishes as before.  Kids schedules on one burner, husbands needs on another one, household duties on another... these are the old familiar ones that tend to burn without constant stirring.  They need to be salted to keep tasty, and need my engagement and action to keep the boiling going.  The fun part is now I have several more burners going with a few extra side dishes... I'm writing more, speaking to women more, recently I have contributed my voice to a new choral group, I may be using my acting skills again (this one is a secret which I'll share if it pans out), I have been making props with my artistic side for my daughter's play, and on the side enjoy my new craft room making cards for friends or trying out new techniques. I am also taking a Beth Moore Bible Study which is challenging me and growing me....Whew... feels like a lot of fish to fry.  All of them are just beginning to cook, and if I stop and really think I feel a bit overwhelmed.

So will the new Alice please stand up!  The one with all her "muchness".  I have already grown and shrunk over and over in the last few months.  I seem and feel my own height again. You'd think all the stretching would make all of this seem normal almost a relief. Yet I find myself with new questions. Can and will I walk in the confidence of Christ?  Can and will I chose to keep Him as the main author of my time, my passions and my hopes?  He is the Prince of Peace after all.  I just have to keep Him as Prince over it ALL...Let Him turn up the flame over these new ventures, and turn down the ones that He doesn't have in mind for me now. Let Him be the author and perfecter of my faith. Let Him be the ruler.  It is then that He is the Prince of Peace for my life!!