Why the rabbit hole leads to doing?

So I love how things with God always come full circle just when you think it was all for not or at least all for not what you thought...Of course leave it to Beth Moore (with the word of the Lord in hand) to make sense of it all and bring it all around.  So for about 2 or 3 years now I have had a verse on my blackboard in my kitchen.  Originally I intended to change the verse every few months... but there it has been sitting for 2 or 3 years now... ok maybe more... I have lost track.  It was this verse that spurred me on to write in the very beginning about promises in my life.  You know the ones you just ache for.  Well, this verse so innocently placed has become that promise.  It has been one that at times has mocked me, at others has frustrated me and more recently has baffled me. But.... Every single time I have gone to erased it, God prompts me to leave it.  "I'm not done with this one yet, Kelly!" " Keep it there till you see it happen, Kelly"  At this point there are child doodles around it and little flowers between it.  Even my kids who can not resist drawing on the board, have not erased it.  I forget it is even a chalk board now. Here it is:

"And the Lord will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be a well-watered garden,
like a spring of water whose waters do not fail."  Isaiah 58:11

Wow... cool promise huh!  Who doesn't want that??  So lately I have been asking the Lord, "Is this it?  Am I here?"  But it was not until today that I heard the rushing of the water. Today when Beth Moore explained all the verses leading up to this verse, I got it.  I understood what the trip down the rabbit hole was all about, I realized what God has been up to so that I can fully understand and experience this promise in my life. It is the answer to all the WHY questions. So what do the verses before it say... basically they talk all about doing good and the pouring out of ourselves that goes with that.  It includes things like caring for the homeless, feeding the hungry, giving yourself to the afflicted.  So what I realized (with a little help from Beth) is when we are doing the Father's business, when we are doing the things that are on His heart that we are guided, satisfied, strengthened, and well watered.

I realized that it is time to end my healing.  It is time for Gilgal to be complete.  The hunkering down, the self realization, the self doubt, the ups and down of growing and shrinking, the strangeness I suddenly found in own skin. All that had a purpose to draw me out of the healing time and back into the doing. We can not stay in the healing place forever.  I had been in it for far too long.  The death of my father, my heartache of miscarriage, old hurts in my marriage, hurts in my friendships, all were genuine tough things, all were things that required me to hunker down and self focus.  The good part is I got disciplined in my places of hurt.  Disciplined about God's word, disciplined about my Sabbath rest, disciplined about forgiveness, disciplined about who I spend time with.  But now that I am healed, it was time for the shepherd to send me out of the pasture. I guess I have been a little reluctant to go.  I would cautiously take a few steps out but then would scurry back into my safety zone.  So in a sense my good and loving father needed me to be annoyed with the place I was in.  He needed me to be dissatisfied with where I was and to ache and be uncomfortable with my status quo.  He wanted me ready, passionate, and yet still disciplined so He can take me to the next assignment He has for me in the kingdom. Down the rabbit hole, through the looking glass, and a bit of navel gazing was part of the preparation and yet it was done to get me into doing again.  I have to say... I am ready to be back to my Father's business!!!! Ready to do good in his kingdom. Ready to take all I have learned and give back.  I am ready to be out of my self focus and back to the Father's good work. I have already gotten started which is awesome.  I know I will keep writing.  I know I will keep speaking.  Being creative with my artistic side will be required and utilized.  I will be back to working with kids in some way.  Singing with all my heart and leading others to do the same. Perhaps a little acting and even a bit of dancing will happen.  A lot of mothering and a great deal of loving the hubby will be required.  Does it have a title associated with it? No... Will I gain any worldly honors for it? No... but it will reap a harvest that my Father in heaven will walk behind me gathering up as I go forward. I hear the rushing of the water.... but the verse ain't coming down yet!

Through the Looking Glass

So now that Alice has officially found her way at least part way up the rabbit hole.  I wanted to give you an update on the last few weeks.  Yes, I did put motherhood on my resume.  It was serious and mainly listed my skill set which in all honesty I only have due to this crazy job I have held for the last 10 1/2 years called "mommyhood." I totally appreciate all the feedback and for those who voted a special thanks. I don't know if anything will become of the job I applied for. At this point I am not sure it matters.  But I do know this. What I do has value!  I think that is what I really needed to know.  

I am not sure I ever really doubted my own value, nor did I desire to draw value from what I do.  I know that I am wonderfully made by an amazingly creative and loving God. I know that my gifts and talents are unique and given purposefully and lovingly.  So my self value was never really in doubt. [Either that or I am in complete denial!]  But what I was doubting is the following: Are those valuable things to God and to me, valuable to anyone else? [Not approved by them, as I am not looking for approval!]  Is what I do with those gifts, valuable to this world, to my church, to my neighborhood, to my family?  [I am not done with this part of my discovery.  I am still getting down to the knitty gritty of it all.]  Is what I do with my time and energy valuable?  [I don't want to gain my value from it, I only want to know... it is worth the time and energy?] Also, is there anything else I can be doing with my time and energy that is more valuable to this world than what I am currently doing? [This I must be careful with.  As you moms know, we have to guard our family life like a bird guarding a nest.]   So these were my questions and remain questions but as I search I finally feel somewhat closer to direction for this part of my life journey.  I can see the light up the rabbit hole.

What a looking glass experience!!  Reflections of self in a mirror which I then walk through into a new world. Only being cut by the glass on my way through seems a miracle, and while painful I now look back and see a new reflection of where I have been. Thus is this crazy race we run called life.  All leading down a path that to us seems curvy and lost but to the Master is clear and planned.  Thank you Lord that you are such an amazing guide!