Through the Looking Glass

So now that Alice has officially found her way at least part way up the rabbit hole.  I wanted to give you an update on the last few weeks.  Yes, I did put motherhood on my resume.  It was serious and mainly listed my skill set which in all honesty I only have due to this crazy job I have held for the last 10 1/2 years called "mommyhood." I totally appreciate all the feedback and for those who voted a special thanks. I don't know if anything will become of the job I applied for. At this point I am not sure it matters.  But I do know this. What I do has value!  I think that is what I really needed to know.  

I am not sure I ever really doubted my own value, nor did I desire to draw value from what I do.  I know that I am wonderfully made by an amazingly creative and loving God. I know that my gifts and talents are unique and given purposefully and lovingly.  So my self value was never really in doubt. [Either that or I am in complete denial!]  But what I was doubting is the following: Are those valuable things to God and to me, valuable to anyone else? [Not approved by them, as I am not looking for approval!]  Is what I do with those gifts, valuable to this world, to my church, to my neighborhood, to my family?  [I am not done with this part of my discovery.  I am still getting down to the knitty gritty of it all.]  Is what I do with my time and energy valuable?  [I don't want to gain my value from it, I only want to know... it is worth the time and energy?] Also, is there anything else I can be doing with my time and energy that is more valuable to this world than what I am currently doing? [This I must be careful with.  As you moms know, we have to guard our family life like a bird guarding a nest.]   So these were my questions and remain questions but as I search I finally feel somewhat closer to direction for this part of my life journey.  I can see the light up the rabbit hole.

What a looking glass experience!!  Reflections of self in a mirror which I then walk through into a new world. Only being cut by the glass on my way through seems a miracle, and while painful I now look back and see a new reflection of where I have been. Thus is this crazy race we run called life.  All leading down a path that to us seems curvy and lost but to the Master is clear and planned.  Thank you Lord that you are such an amazing guide!

Motherhood on my resume? Help me write the job description!

Ok... so I need your help on this one.  Should I or should I not include Motherhood on my resume?  Keep in mind I am applying to a preschool assistant position.  Take the poll above to say what you think.  Then if so inclined help me by writing what you think the job description part should say.  I can use a good laugh so funny is great too!!

Healing & too bad you can't put motherhood on your resume!

So I am healing....That much I know, through this blog I have been able to sort through what I am healing from.  Honestly though, I never thought when I started this blog that I would be catapulted into a strange world.  I have felt a little like Alice in Wonderland for the last month.  It is tempting just to shut the blog down with the hopes I will find my way back up the rabbit hole into a world I know.  No in all seriousness, struggling through painful issues in life is like Wonderland.  Things that were once ordinary look very strange.  I don't know which way is up or which door to go through.  Too large for my own life at times, shrunk down at other times to almost nothingness.  Confident one moment, completely unsure the next.  This is a strange world I find myself in....

But since this blog is all about contrasts I wanted to share all the good coming from this strange place I am in.

1. I have created a craft room for myself.  I can go into this space and create.  Something I have always wanted to have but never have gotten "a round to it" I have almost finished all my Mother's Day cards and they are beautiful if I do say so myself.

2. I have filled out an application for a part-time job at a preschool.  I have always thought about doing that once my kids were older.  Well... so... they are older. So why not?

3. In filling out my application I realized a whole bunch of things I have accomplished that I forgot about.  Jobs I had done well at, courses and training I had learned and completed.  You know...my resume ain't half bad.  I even added a few volunteer and ministry things I have done since my last held paid position.  Ok so it's all 10 years ago.  But it was still me. Too bad you can't put motherhood on your resume.  Honestly, it is the most challenging of all the jobs I have held.  Oh well...

4. My fourth and final good thing is I am learning to be kind to myself.  In order to heal, I have to let the soothing balm of the Holy Spirit blanket my wounded heart with kindness and gentleness and goodness.   I am so hard on myself, so negative, so impatient.  I am learning that if I want to truly heal, I must be kind to myself and allow the blanket to cover me gently, warming the chilled and pained parts of my soul.

5.  Ok there is one more...Last but not least...I am learning that I have better friends than I thought.  Thank you to all of you who are and have been supporting me through this challenging time.  You are sunshine to me and give me courage to face the pain.  You tell me when I have it all wrong, but encourage me when I am discouraged and disheartened.  Thanks to you all for being such great friends.