Urgency in Today: Passion for what matters

It is so very easy to be passionate about the wrong things in our culture.  I am not sure it is totally an American thing or just a thing in the World today.  We seem to have no problem being passionate in our complaining.  Passionate in our anger of how the world has wronged us or our friends or our family today.  What has happened to passionate followers of Christ?  Since when are we to be more passionate about who cut us off on the freeway, which waitress was rude to us, how someone wouldn't honor a sale in a store, how our child has been mistreated by their teacher or dare i say how our government has failed us yet again, than our passion for Christ, the things He has called us to, and the freedom He alone has given us.  We seem to be spending all our energy on the wrong things.  Fellow believers... God has indwelled in our hearts for more than this.  He has placed His Living Water within us for more than our frustrations.  Yes, there is a time and place for righteous anger, but complaining is not what we are to do with that righteous anger.  


ACTION is what the Lord has made us for. Action that comes out of the power and glory of God that is present within us.  Action that comes flowing out of us like a river of healing waters.  It is what He promises to refuel us for, it is what He actively works in us for, it is what His word, His heart and His example are all about.

 SO...flee from these things, you man [or woman] of God, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, perseverance, and gentleness. 


Fight the good fight of faith; take hold of the eternal life to which you were called...


Instruct those who are rich in this present world not to be conceited or to fix their hope on the uncertainty of riches, but on God who richly supplies us with ALL things to enjoy.  


Instruct them to do good, be rich in good works, to be generous, and ready to share, storing up for themselves the treasure of the good foundation for the future, so they may take hold of that which is LIFE indeed!!


Guard what has been entrusted to you avoiding worldly and empty chatter and the opposing arguments of what is falsely called "knowledge" -- which some have professed and thus gone astray in the faith.


Grace be with you.  Timothy 6:11-21


And i repeat... 


Grace be with you!

Why the rabbit hole leads to doing?

So I love how things with God always come full circle just when you think it was all for not or at least all for not what you thought...Of course leave it to Beth Moore (with the word of the Lord in hand) to make sense of it all and bring it all around.  So for about 2 or 3 years now I have had a verse on my blackboard in my kitchen.  Originally I intended to change the verse every few months... but there it has been sitting for 2 or 3 years now... ok maybe more... I have lost track.  It was this verse that spurred me on to write in the very beginning about promises in my life.  You know the ones you just ache for.  Well, this verse so innocently placed has become that promise.  It has been one that at times has mocked me, at others has frustrated me and more recently has baffled me. But.... Every single time I have gone to erased it, God prompts me to leave it.  "I'm not done with this one yet, Kelly!" " Keep it there till you see it happen, Kelly"  At this point there are child doodles around it and little flowers between it.  Even my kids who can not resist drawing on the board, have not erased it.  I forget it is even a chalk board now. Here it is:

"And the Lord will continually guide you,
And satisfy your desire in scorched places,
And give strength to your bones;
And you will be a well-watered garden,
like a spring of water whose waters do not fail."  Isaiah 58:11

Wow... cool promise huh!  Who doesn't want that??  So lately I have been asking the Lord, "Is this it?  Am I here?"  But it was not until today that I heard the rushing of the water. Today when Beth Moore explained all the verses leading up to this verse, I got it.  I understood what the trip down the rabbit hole was all about, I realized what God has been up to so that I can fully understand and experience this promise in my life. It is the answer to all the WHY questions. So what do the verses before it say... basically they talk all about doing good and the pouring out of ourselves that goes with that.  It includes things like caring for the homeless, feeding the hungry, giving yourself to the afflicted.  So what I realized (with a little help from Beth) is when we are doing the Father's business, when we are doing the things that are on His heart that we are guided, satisfied, strengthened, and well watered.

I realized that it is time to end my healing.  It is time for Gilgal to be complete.  The hunkering down, the self realization, the self doubt, the ups and down of growing and shrinking, the strangeness I suddenly found in own skin. All that had a purpose to draw me out of the healing time and back into the doing. We can not stay in the healing place forever.  I had been in it for far too long.  The death of my father, my heartache of miscarriage, old hurts in my marriage, hurts in my friendships, all were genuine tough things, all were things that required me to hunker down and self focus.  The good part is I got disciplined in my places of hurt.  Disciplined about God's word, disciplined about my Sabbath rest, disciplined about forgiveness, disciplined about who I spend time with.  But now that I am healed, it was time for the shepherd to send me out of the pasture. I guess I have been a little reluctant to go.  I would cautiously take a few steps out but then would scurry back into my safety zone.  So in a sense my good and loving father needed me to be annoyed with the place I was in.  He needed me to be dissatisfied with where I was and to ache and be uncomfortable with my status quo.  He wanted me ready, passionate, and yet still disciplined so He can take me to the next assignment He has for me in the kingdom. Down the rabbit hole, through the looking glass, and a bit of navel gazing was part of the preparation and yet it was done to get me into doing again.  I have to say... I am ready to be back to my Father's business!!!! Ready to do good in his kingdom. Ready to take all I have learned and give back.  I am ready to be out of my self focus and back to the Father's good work. I have already gotten started which is awesome.  I know I will keep writing.  I know I will keep speaking.  Being creative with my artistic side will be required and utilized.  I will be back to working with kids in some way.  Singing with all my heart and leading others to do the same. Perhaps a little acting and even a bit of dancing will happen.  A lot of mothering and a great deal of loving the hubby will be required.  Does it have a title associated with it? No... Will I gain any worldly honors for it? No... but it will reap a harvest that my Father in heaven will walk behind me gathering up as I go forward. I hear the rushing of the water.... but the verse ain't coming down yet!

The multiple fish fry: Living a Life of Expectancy

So here I find myself, walking a new journey beyond the Looking Glass, saying yes to things I would have cringed at and worried about before.  I am trying desperately to walk this new path with a peace in my step and a calm in my heart. And most of all with expectancy for the things to come. Mostly I am succeeding by constant reminders from the Lord that He is right beside me and has opened up these new opportunities for me in my cry for help.  I have to be honest though, underlying it all, I have a nervousness about me.  Will it all prove to be too much? Can I trust that His yoke is easy and His burden light?  Will all these new items on the menu, prove to get overcooked, underdone or worse still burned?  Or will I trust His timing and His plan for the meal?

I am still frying up all the same main dishes as before.  Kids schedules on one burner, husbands needs on another one, household duties on another... these are the old familiar ones that tend to burn without constant stirring.  They need to be salted to keep tasty, and need my engagement and action to keep the boiling going.  The fun part is now I have several more burners going with a few extra side dishes... I'm writing more, speaking to women more, recently I have contributed my voice to a new choral group, I may be using my acting skills again (this one is a secret which I'll share if it pans out), I have been making props with my artistic side for my daughter's play, and on the side enjoy my new craft room making cards for friends or trying out new techniques. I am also taking a Beth Moore Bible Study which is challenging me and growing me....Whew... feels like a lot of fish to fry.  All of them are just beginning to cook, and if I stop and really think I feel a bit overwhelmed.

So will the new Alice please stand up!  The one with all her "muchness".  I have already grown and shrunk over and over in the last few months.  I seem and feel my own height again. You'd think all the stretching would make all of this seem normal almost a relief. Yet I find myself with new questions. Can and will I walk in the confidence of Christ?  Can and will I chose to keep Him as the main author of my time, my passions and my hopes?  He is the Prince of Peace after all.  I just have to keep Him as Prince over it ALL...Let Him turn up the flame over these new ventures, and turn down the ones that He doesn't have in mind for me now. Let Him be the author and perfecter of my faith. Let Him be the ruler.  It is then that He is the Prince of Peace for my life!!

Being "MUCH" but staying disciplined!

So I have recently discovered a new contrast in life. Discipline brings freedom.  Now that I have returned to being a person of passion.  Now that I am feeling alive again.  A new truism has dominated my landscape.... I must stay focused and disciplined even in the face of new ideas, new opportunities and new dreams.  I cannot in my passion for living lose sight of the basics. Yes, the newfound 'muchness' has made me busy.... ok 'busy' is not quite the right word, 'full' is a better one.  As my neighbor said to me one day... "your dance card is full"  Its a perfect description 'cuz boy am I dancing but boy is life 'full'.  Maybe because I am a mom or maybe it is part of feeling determined and passionate about what is important to me, but I find the more I stay focused and disciplined about all the do-overs in my life...the more I am sure to exercise, get proper rest, eat right, keep the house tidy, and spend quality time with my family....then the more I find freedom to do the things I am passionate about doing. I can say it has taken courage to step out into new opportunities.  Courage to keep at it and try some new things outside my comfort zone. But it has also required real discipline.  I have a lot of people relying on me. I can't let my new hobbies or ideas or current fads rule the roost around here.  I can and do have the space for it, but only if I stick to it, keep to my schedule, get proper sleep and exercise, and not let anxiousness about tomorrow rob me from today.

No worries...gals... I am not attempting to be SUPERMOM....I don't think she exists but if she does she is definitely not me. All I am saying is as hard as I have worked to bring this discipline into my life... I am realizing my zest for life can co-exist in that realm as well. Spontaneous, alive, and giggly Kelly can thrive in a world with order and regiment.  Hmmmm.... discipline brings freedom.... not at all what I expected to learn in life!!!

Finding My Muchness in Italy

Wow... what a trip. You are probably all dying to know how travels in Europe with kiddos went and find out about the rest of my journey through Wonderland.  I know...I haven't written. I wanted to and ached to but found with only an iphone to write on, my contact while on my journey was limited. Hopefully I am friends with most of you on Facebook and you were able to get glimpses of our journey along the way.  But it's actually not the traveling itself nor the experience of being in France or Italy nor what it was like with kids that I want to write about.  No instead you must endure a bit more of Alice which I know is quite disconcerting.  Whether through the looking glass or down the rabbit hole, Alice does find her way into things for me these days.

So about that "muchness" I mentioned.  Yes, I finally did see the new Alice in Wonderland.  Yes, the wonders of modern technology... I watched it on the screen on the back of the seat in front of me on the way to Paris.  So.... what did i think?... well, it all followed so well with where I have been with Alice these days.  The particular part of the movie that struck me was the concern of all the characters that the grown girl who had fallen down the rabbit hole was not indeed the "real' Alice.  This "Alice" has lost her "muchness".  The real Alice had much "Muchness" so this can't be the "real" Alice.  So true! What does happen to us that causes the "real" us to lose our "muchness"?  Do we grow tired and weary and sad with the weight of the world? OR does our realism over shadow our belief that we can and will do what we set out to do?  I am not sure which it is but somewhere along the way in this life I too, like Alice, lost my "muchness."  When I was younger, I always seem to know where I was going.  I had a sense of certainty and maybe even an arrogance about me that I knew what and how I was suppose to live.  Maybe it was my youthful rebellion or my confidence in my own mortality.  Through the years though, through moments of grief, through pain and uncertainty in life, through circumstances I did not expect, through experiences that have shown me I am pretty clueless, somewhere in all of that I lost my "muchness." I am not saying that a little humility and greater dependance on God wasn't necessary for me.  But in someways I 'threw the baby out with the bath water' so to speak.  Somewhere in there I lost my passion.  I lost me.

So the great news is somewhere along my travels, I seem to have found it again.  A moment standing on the grass of a Tuscan farm watching my children play with strangers, eating a meal cooked and prepared by families from all over this world, somewhere in that sweet moment of community and gathering together. I remembered and discovered anew what makes me tick.  A passion and need for music and art in my life daily...A true love of community... friends gathered...wine...good food... new friendship...multicultural interactions that transcend language and are brought together by just a smile and a shared twinkle in the eye...the beauty of both the landscape created naturally by God and the hardscape molded by man through history and time blended and transcendent in time and place.... simple unity of the present and the past...not in competition with each other but acceptant and embracing of one another.
These are the places and moments that hallmarked this trip for me.  They are the moments in time that have from the beginning of time brought simple contentment to the human heart.  They brought contentment to mine and in a sense a newness of purpose and "muchness" to recreate those simple moments both for my family and my close friends, as well as, for any strangers that may cross my path in years to come.

Eating the "eat me" cookie!

Ok... so now that I have wandered through Wonderland, gotten cut going through the Looking Glass,  I am certain somewhere along the way I ate a cookie that says "Eat me" and I have grown, grown, grown.  I feel like Alice with her head poking above the house with her arms and legs sticking out through the window.  The view is fantastic and I still feel a bit stuck but I also know I am no longer trapped.  So now what...
I'm not sure.  I have no idea actually.  But you know... I am not sure I care.  REALLY!!  Suddenly in all this remarkable journey, I have realized... I am who I am... Sam I am.  I am who God made me to be.  In all my awkward moments, in all the ways I stick out at times, shrink down at times, hide at times, boldly speak out at times, nitpick at times.  I am who He made me to be.  Yes, I stink at times too.  Yes I need forgiveness at times too.  But I no longer need to apologize for who I am and who I am made to be.

So what next??... well... I am headed out on another remarkable journey here shortly.  I am headed to France and Italy with my kids and my hubby.  All planned, researched and obsessed about by me.  [No pressure or anything.]  Are we crazy? A little... but this is a dream we have had since before the girls were born.  Nothing like an out of the box experience to lead directly into an out of the box experience.

So get ready to hear about our journey in the next month.  In keeping with my theme... you will hear the bad and the good, the painful and the fun, all mixed together to make incredible travel and learning.  So guess what movie I bought to entertain us as a family... none other than "Alice in Wonderland".  I hear it's a bit scary.  I'm not surprised.

Through the Looking Glass

So now that Alice has officially found her way at least part way up the rabbit hole.  I wanted to give you an update on the last few weeks.  Yes, I did put motherhood on my resume.  It was serious and mainly listed my skill set which in all honesty I only have due to this crazy job I have held for the last 10 1/2 years called "mommyhood." I totally appreciate all the feedback and for those who voted a special thanks. I don't know if anything will become of the job I applied for. At this point I am not sure it matters.  But I do know this. What I do has value!  I think that is what I really needed to know.  

I am not sure I ever really doubted my own value, nor did I desire to draw value from what I do.  I know that I am wonderfully made by an amazingly creative and loving God. I know that my gifts and talents are unique and given purposefully and lovingly.  So my self value was never really in doubt. [Either that or I am in complete denial!]  But what I was doubting is the following: Are those valuable things to God and to me, valuable to anyone else? [Not approved by them, as I am not looking for approval!]  Is what I do with those gifts, valuable to this world, to my church, to my neighborhood, to my family?  [I am not done with this part of my discovery.  I am still getting down to the knitty gritty of it all.]  Is what I do with my time and energy valuable?  [I don't want to gain my value from it, I only want to know... it is worth the time and energy?] Also, is there anything else I can be doing with my time and energy that is more valuable to this world than what I am currently doing? [This I must be careful with.  As you moms know, we have to guard our family life like a bird guarding a nest.]   So these were my questions and remain questions but as I search I finally feel somewhat closer to direction for this part of my life journey.  I can see the light up the rabbit hole.

What a looking glass experience!!  Reflections of self in a mirror which I then walk through into a new world. Only being cut by the glass on my way through seems a miracle, and while painful I now look back and see a new reflection of where I have been. Thus is this crazy race we run called life.  All leading down a path that to us seems curvy and lost but to the Master is clear and planned.  Thank you Lord that you are such an amazing guide!